Imposter Syndrome and Witchy Guilt [REPOST]

16/10/2020

Do you ever have grand ideas of rituals you want to do? Do you ever day dream about how perfect it will be? Do you think about exactly what your altar will look like and the exact incense you will burn? Do you ever get so hyped to do it at the perfect time on the perfect day….

….. And then it all falls through?

Maybe your kid is fighting going to bed. Maybe the cat knocks over your Dracaena marginata from the top of the refrigerator and frantically chews the leaves as fast as she can before you can catch her. Maybe your cat ends up barfing all over your living room floor after ingesting half of a Dracaena marginata in 0.5 seconds flat. So then you worry; they’re toxic to cats after all! You call the vet, keep a close eye on her, and before you know it, your whole night is devoted to playing doctor for your plant-bully cat and your poor Dragon Tree that was simply just vibing, man.

Sigh….. Typical Mecury retrograde antics, I suppose. Not that this has actually happened or anything...

So where does that leave you, oh astute pupil of the occult ways? Oh, ye hopeful naive, without coven nor master to guide thy studies? Now the pendulum swings the opposite way…. “Geez, I’m such a dweeb.” You think. “What makes me think I can be a witch, anyways? I can’t even get a stupid Sabbat right! I can’t even meditate for more than 10 minutes! I’m the worst witch EVER.”

Believe me, I feel this too. We’ve all been there. However, don’t throw down the broomstick just yet…. And don’t you dare call yourself the worst witch ever! Save that kind of description for the fools on TikTok who think they can hex the moon (which, spoiler alert, you can’t).

Witch craft is more than a religion. It’s more than just a faith. It’s a whole way of being. It’s a mind set, a lifestyle, a duty…. It’s equal parts frolicking through the woods and militant studying with just a dash of fantastical magikal workings. Getting into that rhythm of living with the cycles of the Earth is so difficult… FOR ANYONE. Sure it may come more naturally for some, but absolutely no one is born a Laurie Cabot. No one is born a Genesis P Oriddge. No one is born like these great practitioners….. Mostly because you’re born YOU and not THEM. Of course you’re not like them, because you can never be! You can only be the kind of witch YOU were meant to be!

But beyond that, no one is born a wise one, no one is born a witch, because it takes perseverance, endurance, focus, creative drive, and dedication to be one. It’s no easy feat! To be a witch is to walk the tightrope of the psyche, to exist with one foot in the mundane, all too human hurly burly we call “society” and the other foot firmly rooted deep in the trees, the mossy hills, and the deep caves where dark things sleep. To be a witch is to be nature incarnate. To live with the seasons and be wild and free.

Historically, witches were the scientists, the doctors, the teachers, the healers. If you had a problem you could not fix on your own, you sought help of a witch (or shaman, medicine wo/man, etc. depending on your culture). These people, much like the doctors and scientists of today, devoted themselves to their craft and to providing a vital service for their people.

So when you are first starting out and you miss a ritual, remember all those amazing people in history, remember all the hard work they put in. All the dedication to their own personal path. Remember the fires that burned in their hearts, pushing them as they climbed the mountain and succeeded in their goals.

And then completely forget about them.

Christianity is an exoteric faith. Christians worship a deity outside themselves. Like the plated skeleton armor of an ant, they revel in their external god, maybe hide behind him in some cases. It is a faith for those who cannot stand on their own, which is fine! Even Jesus himself said that the church is a crutch, didn’t he?

PAUSE. Before you get your rosaries in a knot, I want you to know that I don’t mean this as an insult. Not even a little bit. I’m not here to faith shame. All matter of humbled, blessed, and godly individuals have required crutches, literally and metaphorically. You are not any better or worse of a person for needing a crutch. Besides, did Christ not die to bare the weight of those who are broken?

….But I digress. Christians believe in a higher power exoterically, outside of themselves. Witchcraft is the opposite. Witchcraft does not care if you cannot stand, it will make you stand. It is an esoteric faith, it makes you confront the demons, the fear, the hate, the shadow of your mind. To be a witch is to stand for yourself, no matter how broken, dig your heels in and say “You have no power over me”. It is about your personal experience. No one else can be a witch for you. You have to do it yourself.

To be a witch is to be painfully aware of one’s own free will and to take full accountability for one’s actions. In witchcraft, there is no Devil to make your scapegoat. There is no single God that will fix all your problems and make you Holy, for our Gods are all just as perfectly flawed as we are! You are left floating in a sea of existential awareness that can either bring you to islands of knowledge and salvation or pull you down into the murky depths of insanity.

And that… That is terrifying.

That is where the misconception lies. The fear, the misunderstanding… It all lies in that fact, because witchcraft is scary. Just like nature is scary.

Do not fear that what you do not understand. Do all things with compassion. Ask for guidance when you need it. Be open to everyone, but guarded enough to not let yourself be hurt. To walk the path is an honor and a curse. It is everything and nothing. A thousand beautiful shades of grey.

So do not feel so bad, dear reader. We all struggle. You are never walking your path alone.

Besides….. there’s always next time to get it right!